Reality Of Same And Cross Sex Friendships English Literature Essay

Friendship is like a bosom shared amongst persons. For case, the basic constituent of a healthy bosom is a changeless flow of blood being pumped by a steady pulse. As a consequence of the bosom working full force, it provides the necessary support for an single to populate each twenty-four hours. The same thought goes for a healthy friendly relationship. With the right balanced “ flow ” of communicating, trust, and laughter, the bonds built between friends have the potency to go one of the strongest support systems a individual can set up. However, while these are merely a few illustrations of what is required for a healthy bosom and friendly relationship to map, the environing features of both are what do them distinct in nature. For case, what ‘s a bosom without the organic structure ‘s assorted internal systems, beds, and characteristics? Merely like what ‘s a friendly relationship if it does n’t possess familiarity, struggles, and activities?

So while the mean individual merely has the connexions around them socially to compare their personal friendly relationships with, many research workers have performed in-depth surveies to mensurate what makes a individual friendly relationship so alone from any other. Therefore, in this paper I will be discoursing what makes male and female same-sex friendly relationships likewise and different along with cross-sex friendly relationships and the jobs and successes that arise among them based on the results of surveies and illustrations represented in the films I Love you, Man, Sex & A ; the City, and Just Friends. The undermentioned research will turn out that with something every bit simple as the sex of a individual can wholly alter their thoughts of friendly relationship. As stated by Todd Migliaccio, “ making friendly relationship ” is “ making gender ” ( Migliaccio, 2009 ) .

Research

In today ‘s environment, if a individual is asked to exemplify a typical male friendly relationship, most will visualize a group of work forces watching a football game or perchance playing a 3-on-3 hoops game outside. This idea would non merely be stereotypically right but the research agrees every bit good. It has been proven that the bulk of male same-sex friendly relationships feel the closest when they ‘re partaking in shared activity. However, these activities are n’t merely traditionally looked at for an alibi for work forces to be able to partake in similar involvements but furthermore as a manner for them to show a degree of fight between one another ( Singleton, & A ; Vacca, 2007 ) . By affecting themselves in competitory actions it ‘s about their manner of showing their “ familiarity ” towards one another. So what ‘s so incorrect with work forces depicting their intimacy through communication? “ Many work forces avoid behaviours that could be considered feminine, including set uping expressive familiarity in friendly relationships and self unwraping with friends ” ( Migliaccio, 2009 ) . Alternatively, “ work forces display themselves as being unharmed, unchained and in control of state of affairss, their lives and their emotions ” ( Migliaccio, 2009 ) . As a consequence, in a ‘bromance ‘ it is normal for the work forces to non verbally show their feelings yet this same thought does n’t fall so true in female friendly relationships.

“ Friendships play a important function in the personal and societal lives of most adult females ” ( Roberto, 1996 ) . Women of course have ever been the 1s to explicit friendly, fostering, and supportive traits, so to be able to make this type of emotional tie with another adult female you can merely conceive of how inimitable it is ( Oswald, Clark, & A ; Kelly, 2004 ) . When a female finds a true relationship with another female, it becomes more of a “ sister-hood ” instead than friendly relationship. A adult female ‘s same-sex friendly relationship finally becomes their ain “ personal, emotional, and affectional ” ( Roberto, 1996 ) support line. For case, at any given point of the twenty-four hours a friend can anticipate a phone call from their friend for an pressing visit to speak about their relationships, advice on how to manage a certain state of affairss, or literally merely to speak. Subjects like these are normal mundane conversations that take topographic point between adult females. However, for work forces to name up their male friends to discourse issues like these would be unheard of. In contrast, work forces ‘s manners of communicating do look to change when they are placed in a cross-sex friendly relationship.

In a old survey, “ Reis found that both sexes are more likely to unwrap to adult females than to work forces ” ( Reeder, 2003 ) . In the old paragraph I discussed the importance of emotional intimacy adult females have with one another ; nevertheless, what is it that makes males experience more comfy opening up in cross-sex friendly relationships instead than same-sex? As old surveies have proven, work forces view cross-sex friendly relationships as “ more nurturing, caring, emotional, and personal than their same-sex friendly relationships ” ( Reeder, 2003 ) . Unlike the bulk of their male friends, adult females have an natural inclination about them to convey a warming feeling towards others. As a consequence, the being of this welcoming environment creates an invitation for work forces to set aside their maleness and freely talk their head. By supplying males with the chance to convey their feelings outside of their socially accepted competitory milieus, it besides demonstrates how, “ CSF ( Cross-sex friendly relationships ) may increase an person ‘s understanding about the beliefs and values of the other sex ” ( Lenton, & A ; Webber, 2006 ) . Consequently both work forces and adult females will be able to set forth their acquisition ‘s of the opposite sex to future usage in other relationships. This is merely one good illustration of cross-sex friendly relationships ; nevertheless, there are many more problems and successes that arise when cross-sex friends are developed.

While some friends discuss the issue of possible attractive force and hold on going nil more than merely friends, those who have n’t may hold to confront this subject in their close hereafter ( Monsour, Harvey, & A ; Betty, 1997 ) . For case, in every group of friends turning up, there ever seems to be that male and female friend that has to continuously convert their equals that they are “ merely friends. ” However, this is seldom the instance. We consider our friends as those who normally have similar involvements, we enjoy being around them, and they are ever at that place to back up us. At the same clip, who ‘s the ideal individual people picture themselves get marrieding? The qualities that friends see in one another are the same qualities that persons seek in their romantic relationships. So, when two people of the opposite sex turn together as friends it becomes difficult non to see that individual on a more serious degree. At the point when one or both people involved in the relationship start to feel these feelings is when the troubles start to originate. For case, “ those in the desires romance state of affairs might avoid speaking about these romantic feelings because they ‘re afraid of rejection ” ( Guerrero, & A ; Chavez, 2005 ) . To set your true feelings out on the line for person with the fright of being turned down is a hazardous state of affairs regardless of who it is, but to perchance hold your friendly relationship in danger as good makes it even tougher. There can be many different results on how the relationship will be affected ( depending on their state of affairss ) one time a individual gets the bravery to allow their bosom speak. It merely so happens, the two most obvious consequences can besides be seen as one of the worst and best parts of being in a cross-sex friendly relationship. The worst instance scenario, the other individual responds with non-mutual romantic feelings which can be called a culls love affair ( Guerrero, & A ; Chavez, 2005 ) . After holding this relationship changing conversation, it can be difficult to look at that individual in the same mode as you did earlier. It can take a one time strong friendship down a way of distance and uncomfortableness. Then we are able to detect another positiveness that can look in cross-sex friendly relationships. A 2nd consequence is when both participants portion the same feelings for one another or common love affair ( Guerrero, & A ; Chavez, 2005 ) . This will let their relationship to successfully travel on to the following degree. With an already house foundation built between the two and their feelings out in the unfastened, they are on the right path to a healthy dating relationship. Though reading approximately old surveies help people learn the factual grounds behind the differences in friendly relationships, looking at existent life illustrations can better their true apprehension of what they learned from their research.

Movie Associations

In the film I Love You, Man directed by John Hamburg, Peter Klaven ( Paul Rudd ) gets engaged to his fiance , Zooey Rice ( Rashida Jones ) , but immediately realizes he does n’t hold a individual close male friend to present as a Best Man at his nuptials ( “ I love you, , ” 2009 ) . Having small advancement on his “ friend day of the months ” set up by his female parent and brother, Peter ends up run intoing Sydney Fife ( Jason Segel ) at one of his existent estate unfastened houses. The comedy behind this film is to do merriment of the clumsiness Peter and Sydney go through in set uping their friendly relationship ; however, I Love You, Man has great illustrations of the manner males connect with each other. When Peter foremost goes over to Sydney ‘s, alternatively of stepping pes into the house, Sydney took him straight to the “ Temple of Doom. ” Sydney stated that, “ This is the adult male cave, there ‘s no adult females allowed in here ” ( “ I love you, ” 2009 ) . This room had a Television, full set of stone set equipment, and was filled with athleticss posters-the perfect constituents to the start of a great male friendly relationship. The two of them would pass hours at a clip thronging out or “ slapping the bass ” on the guitars to their favourite set Rush. At one point in the film the male childs took Zooey along with them to a Rush concert. During the show, Sydney and Peter were insanely traveling around the floor shouting, with the linguas hanging out, and feigning to play the air guitar, while Zooey watched in incredulity. She was n’t able to grok why they got such enjoyment out of this sort of concert ; but, in their defence male same-sex friendly relationships are able to bond through this shared activity, whereas adult female are different ( Singleton, & A ; Vacca, 2007 ) . In add-on to playing instruments, they besides both enjoyed playing athleticss. Except unlike Peter, Sydney had a set position on athleticss and believed adult female should ne’er take part in a game of athleticss with work forces ( Hamburg, 2009 ) . This supports the research worker ‘s grounds in that work forces enjoy playing athleticss with other work forces to be able to expose their degree of fight ( Singleton, & A ; Vacca, 2007 ) . In the terminal, Peter ‘s hunt of a Best Man was successfully completed and the “ adult male cave ” will everlastingly be able to typify the cardinal nucleus of this new male friendly relationship. So while I Love You, Man was able to pattern the activities male friends engage in, I chose Sex & A ; the City to stand for the manner female friends bond.

Sex & A ; the City directed by Michael Patrick King is the perfect film to depict how a stereotyped group of female friends communicate and grow with one another. The four chief characters in this film include: Carrie Bradshaw ( Sarah Jessica Parker ) , Samantha Jones ( Kim Cattrall ) , Charlotte York ( Kristin Davis ) , and Miranda Hobbes ( Cynthia Nixon ) ( “ Sex & A ; the metropolis, ” 2008 ) . With some holding full-time occupations, others being around the clock female parents, and one life across the state, these four misss will non travel a twenty-four hours without pass oning to one another. The adult females value these emotional ties that they have built over the old ages merely every bit much as their ain household bonds. For case, during their free clip, they all enjoy meeting together at local cafe to speak about their relationship issues, households, sex, and manner. With these misss non a minute is wasted with silence. Yet, this clip is n’t merely pass together to dish the dirt but besides for them to derive cognition through the others ‘ inputs and continually beef up their relationships with one another. The “ cafe talk ” has become so of import in their friendly relationship that Samantha even flies back to New York City from California to run into and catch up with the misss. In add-on to going near through changeless communicating, they besides take pleasance in go toing events together such as Fashion Week. This allows them to portion clip together while making something they all take involvement in. Finally, in the chief turning point of the film, Carrie ‘s fiance left her the twenty-four hours of her nuptials. With her three best friends by her side to back up and promote her twenty-four hours and dark, she was able to derive her strength back as an person and support herself one time once more ( King, 2008 ) . If she had n’t been able to turn to her “ personal, emotional, and affectional ” support lines, who knows how she might hold ended up ( Roberto, 1996 ) . As Carrie stated, “ They say nil stopping points everlastingly, dreams change, trends come and travel, but friendly relationships ne’er go out of manner ” ( “ Sex & A ; the metropolis, ” 2008 ) . With this thought that friendly relationships will ever last no affair what, it straight leads me on to the following film that depicts a cross-sex friendly relationship.

The film Just Friends, directed by Roger Kumble, starts off as a narrative about a teenage male child, Chris Brander ( Ryan Reynolds ) who ‘s best friend is one of the most popular misss in the school Jamie Palamino ( Amy Smart ) ( “ Just friends, ” 2005 ) . Although they have been friends for old ages, Chris has ever been in love with Jamie but ne’er had the bravery to state her the manner he genuinely felt until graduation dark. Chris thought it was a good thought to squeal his feelings towards her in Jamie ‘s yearbook ; yet, it erroneously got assorted up and into the custodies of the captain of the varsity football squad. As he read aloud Chris ‘s missive, Jamie confronted Chris in forepart of everyone and pulled the “ Yes. I love you Chris, like a brother. We ‘re friends right ” ( Kumble, 2005 ) . Heart-broken and stuck in the “ friend-zone ” , Chris moves to Los Angeles and does n’t return back to Jersey for another 10 old ages. This illustration illustrates how pass oning your feelings towards a friend of the opposite sex can stop severely if they do n’t experience the same manner. However, when he comes back place he is a wholly changed adult male and attempts to affect Jamie with his new life style and wealths. Throughout the film, they both try to come out and allow the other individual cognize how much they genuinely cared for and wanted to be with the other individual but the fright of rejection overcame them both up until the terminal of the film. With no more thoughts or ways to acquire to Jamie ‘s bosom, Chris takes a opportunity one more clip to allow her cognize how much he loved her merely as he did in high school. He goes to her house and speaks to her face-to-face and explains how his bosom has ne’er left from her 10 old ages ago and this clip she was able to return the feelings ( Kumble, 2005 ) !

Decision

While male same-sex friends can pass their full twenty-four hours watching featuring events and female same-sex friends can pass infinite hours shopping, our universe today has by and large accepted these societal norms as common difference that take topographic point between these types of friendly relationships. At the same clip, we besides agree that no affair the state of affairs, cross-sex friends will ever be confronting a challenge of possible love affair. However, irrespective of sex, in certain healthy friendly relationships a individual is able to see a deeper connexion between one another. This true friendly relationship can be valued with trueness, trustiness, and encouraging feelings towards each other. Deriving the support system and this common acquaintance is non something that one is frequently able to see. This remarkableness is becomes about to the point where the two are able to see right through each other, as if they become one psyche, one bosom “ round. ”

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